its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
