I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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