you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
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I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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