Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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