why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just want nice things and good sex
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
