So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize