Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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