You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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