The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
