found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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