i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
