when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
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After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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