Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
