Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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