her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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