Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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