Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
