you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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