If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
