i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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