So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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