I cockslap morals
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
