I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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