You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
