in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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