Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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