Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
