i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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