Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
