I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
