My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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