just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
