I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The air was thick with penises
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
