It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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