i just google imaged poop.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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