While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
