You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
