Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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