I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
