yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
