Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
