He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
