I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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