Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
