I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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