I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
