im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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