Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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