i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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