Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
