We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We are all done wearing pants today
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
