I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
