his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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