the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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