i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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