you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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