Texts From Last Night

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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.

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  (857): Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time. http://tfl.nu/rsq1
  Replies (5) Good night (1413) Bad night (456)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone

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  (812): my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone http://tfl.nu/r2zj
  Replies (37) Good night (3910) Bad night (891)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game

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  (302): I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game http://tfl.nu/wh7c
  Replies (10) Good night (4502) Bad night (875)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.

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  (815): I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together. http://tfl.nu/4fcl
  Replies (6) Good night (3595) Bad night (801)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room

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  (719): Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room http://tfl.nu/c34s
  Replies (5) Good night (3315) Bad night (864)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"

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  (413): I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight" http://tfl.nu/ny0o
  Replies (4) Good night (1449) Bad night (666)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.

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  (785): That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do. http://tfl.nu/e7db
  Replies (12) Good night (3022) Bad night (629)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Life is too short to have fake orgasms.

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  (412): Life is too short to have fake orgasms. http://tfl.nu/1oh4
  Replies (14) Good night (2840) Bad night (574)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.

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  (+44): Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth. http://tfl.nu/fyz7
  Replies (11) Good night (1131) Bad night (1114)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.

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  (414): I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night. http://tfl.nu/mhsz
  Replies (13) Good night (605) Bad night (1052)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was

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  (850): Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was http://tfl.nu/vhsw
  Replies (6) Good night (796) Bad night (232)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.

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  (+44): I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'. http://tfl.nu/incy
  Replies (2) Good night (476) Bad night (241)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.

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  (515): I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter. http://tfl.nu/6fb4
  Replies (1) Good night (402) Bad night (283)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland

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  (774): Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland http://tfl.nu/km8l
  Replies (1) Good night (298) Bad night (583)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"

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  (260): I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby" http://tfl.nu/6cul
  Replies (0) Good night (562) Bad night (207)

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