Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?