Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...