Texts From Last Night

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  (256): View more from Alabama

  You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.

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  (256): You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass. (1-256): That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years. (256): Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that. (1-256): Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham. http://tfl.nu/egwd
  Replies (54) Good night (5006) Bad night (745)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I just cut my nipple shaving

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  (902): I just cut my nipple shaving http://tfl.nu/31st
  Replies (41) Good night (529) Bad night (4875)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.

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  (917): we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer. http://tfl.nu/ibyr
  Replies (20) Good night (3643) Bad night (1479)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.

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  (301): I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy. http://tfl.nu/8tq8
  Replies (49) Good night (908) Bad night (5588)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.

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  (503): I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too. http://tfl.nu/16uc
  Replies (23) Good night (7214) Bad night (1047)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."

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  (870): He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed." http://tfl.nu/z9xx
  Replies (11) Good night (6964) Bad night (1460)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3

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  (813): So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3 http://tfl.nu/7or4
  Replies (4) Good night (4483) Bad night (1054)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?

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  (920): I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer? http://tfl.nu/t39o
  Replies (3) Good night (868) Bad night (2023)
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  (619): View more from California

  there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper

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  (619): there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper http://tfl.nu/29cl
  Replies (25) Good night (639) Bad night (794)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.

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  (541): I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house. http://tfl.nu/7lqp
  Replies (6) Good night (1060) Bad night (365)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.

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  (202): A big toe in my vag is not foreplay. http://tfl.nu/p4zv
  Replies (13) Good night (372) Bad night (1718)
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  (925): View more from California

  Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.

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  (925): Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you. http://tfl.nu/ze2z
  Replies (0) Good night (545) Bad night (398)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.

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  (708): For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does. http://tfl.nu/ctyd
  Replies (2) Good night (401) Bad night (152)
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  (818): View more from California

  what are you going as for halloween?

  (805): View more from California

  drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable

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  (818): what are you going as for halloween? (805): drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable http://tfl.nu/bmlt
  Replies (5) Good night (853) Bad night (146)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.

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  (403): If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine. http://tfl.nu/ulb5
  Replies (3) Good night (408) Bad night (172)

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