so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
