Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
