I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.