Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.