Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
