See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I understand Curling. That high.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
