Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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