i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
