Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
