dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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