this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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