if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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