we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
