Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
