i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
