I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
