"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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