at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize