i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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