Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
