I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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