Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
